No Hope
by VegetaGokuLover
Summary: *PG-13 for suicidal thoughts* A March challenge fic for DBZAHQ. After Goku sacrificed himself to destroy Cell, Trunks wonders if it should've been him who died...


No Hope

By: Lisa

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"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." 

The dark blue sky seemed to weep with sorrow for the heroic sacrifice that was given that day. Rivers of despair fell down the young warrior's cheeks, and tears started to well up in some of the fighter's eyes. On that very battlefield, hardly any blood had been shed, and yet some of the warrior's hearts were bleeding with anguish. Tears marked the crisp, hard canyon that lay the destiny of the world, the fate of their very lives. All of the brave soldiers had many things in common; they had all tried to salvage their world before. It was something that was not new to them at all. They had always had each other through all the challenging turmoil and hardships. They were never alone, never had to experience the horrors of total helplessness and the loss of all faith. One such youth has...

If you were to look into his blue polished eyes, it would be like looking into pools of no hope. Two smoldering flames that were ready to burn out to the point of non-existence. His soul was diminishing by the second, getting torn apart by the humiliation and disgrace. He was drowning in the ocean of dishonor and the flames of depression were licking at him. A frown was plastered on his tainted lips, a mark of his unhappiness. How many times can a soul be burned into ashes? 

Again he had failed to save the blue, valuable gem that fate called Earth. He had put the saiyan bloodline to shame. He couldn't even save his sensei, his one and only best friend, Gohan. The only person who could make living in this hellhole called life worthwhile. But even that, like everything else in his miserable life, had come to pass. His best friend had left him to wallow in his self pity all by himself. Not like he was all alone all the time anyway... 

His eyes drifted from the brittle, crumbling canyon floor to his father. The one man that he had wanted to meet his entire goddamned life. Receiving praise or even encouraging words was the one dream Trunks had dreamt about every night. 

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"Don't expect much from your father..." 

His mother had once told him, but did he listen? Did he pay attention to her wise words? No, stubbornly he had tried again and again to make his father gleam with pride whenever his eyes met upon his son. Instead, a look of loathing and complete hatred poured into his father's eyes whenever he looked _down_ at his son. Damn! When would this hellish nightmare end? When could he live one moment on this earth when he would be in peace and not having to ignore the stabbing pains in his tortured heart? He wished he could swallow the agony and torment but he had bitten off more than he could chew.

If only he could die...

He heard from his mother that it wasn't so bad. She had told him stories about how the greatest fighter in the universe and sacrificed himself many times and had gone to the Other World. She had guessed that it was a very peaceful place, an eternity without pain. He envisioned that was where Goku was now... looking down at his son's painful screams of misery. Maybe he could actually go up and meet Goku, meet the father from his timeline, and never feel the awful feeling that was in the bowels of his heart again.

He closed his eyes, wanting to scream with fury and anger. He could feel the frustration start to well up inside him, almost as if he was back on that mud-swarmed ground. The ground that Gohan had inhaled his last breath. Damn it! Why did he even bother to come to this pathetic timeline? It wasn't as if he helped anything! Sure, the notorious Androids were defeated and dead and Cell followed in their footsteps, but had any of these losers in front of him ever did something to benefit him? They simply took advantage of everything he had done! They might as well strike a ki blast through his screaming heart right now and take away his pride and his humiliating life. It wasn't as if inch by inch they had done it to him already. Damn them! It was like his sword was a reminder of the way his life was; a pathetic, pointless life that could be punctured so easily and whither away to die. Damn he was losing it...

So what if he was going fucking crazy? As if he had any sanity left in him anyway. Why couldn't it be him instead of Goku that sacrificed himself? He deserved to die; not the hero! The good guys always prevail over evil no matter what the situation is. Why did the laws of fate have to change in the one situation that mattered most to the world? 

He clenched his fists in maddening hatred, ignoring the waves of impatience that was rolling through his body. Impatience for what? Impatience for his life to get better? Or his life to end...? He shut his eyes and wrapped himself in the darkness that proceeded to take over his soul. Seconds turned into minutes as painful memories skyrocketed in his head. 

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*~*

"Mommy, I wanna ask you something." 

Bulma Briefs eyes her son wearily, but couldn't help her smile as she looked at her innocent young boy. Five years into his life and already he had begun to talk very wisely. Curious to what her son had to say, she paid the utmost attention. 

"What is it Trunks?" 

"Is Daddy in Heaven?" 

Shock and pain burst into her aqua eyes as she thought hesitantly about the question her boy asked. One look into her son's eyes told her whatever she was about to say he would take to heart. Picking the right choice of words, her mouth opened to reply. 

"I... don't know Trunks. Your father," Her voice somewhat faltered, "Was a very strong man. Someone, who would never lose his pride, never lose his hope. He wasn't really the one to show his feelings, but the look he gave you the day you were born was the most proud look he ever gave. He died protecting us Trunks, and maybe Heaven thought he belonged there with all of the angels." 

"Does it hurt to die?" 

"What's with all the questions, huh? Did you read mommy's books again?" 

"I just wanna know." 

A sigh escaped her parched lips and she answered her boy. 

"I don't know that either. Son Goku has died several times, and by the look of things, it doesn't seem that bad. He told us it was very peaceful, and sometimes really quiet. He's probably sparring with your father right now." 

Bulma stopped herself, surprised at the words that had just came out of her mouth. She knew it was impossible for the two rivals to probably never see each other again... 

*~*

"Gohan, how was father like?" 

"He was very strong and extremely arrogant. Kind of reminds me of you." 

Gohan smiled at the bitter irony of Vegeta ever having a son, and the result was a powerful son that acted just like him. 

"... Gohan? Will we ever defeat the Androids?" 

Instantly his smile left his face, and a serious expression filled in the spot. 

"Yes, we will Trunks. You're a pretty strong fighter for your age. Just never lose hope and fight with your heart. Fight for those you love, and nothing could stop you. Nothing." 

*~* 

Never lose hope...

The quote of inspiration repeated in his head like an annoying song. His mother had said the phrase... even his best friend Gohan. But what the hell did it mean? Why was never losing your damned hope so important? Who gave a shit about that now... he wanted to die and never breathe another second again. He not only lost to the Androids; he had lost to himself. A fight that anybody else could've won. He was just too pathetic and weak to win the battle. 

He was too pathetic and weak to save his father.

He was too pathetic and weak to save Gohan.

He was even too pathetic and weak to save Goku.

All of the years of darkness and pain had been a waste. For years he had tried to defeat the monsters all by himself and had failed. For what? Every second that he lived had been a complete waste of time to everyone! Why did his mother need him? She was a scientist and a genius, something he would never accomplish now. None of the Z fighters ever needed any assistance from him. Especially his father. As soon as he stepped out of this canyon, he would probably cry himself to death. 

He turned his back, getting ready to leave the deadly silent battle arena. Suddenly, a strange and mysterious wind picked up, making him stop dead in his tracks and whip back around. What the hell was happening? What was it_ now_? Damn, it was if as fate didn't want him to die...

A beam of light struck the sky, confusion settling into everyone one of the Z fighter's minds. At fist, the light seemed heavenly; a sign from an angel that they were all saved. But the light was as crimson as hell, and it struck the heart of a certain youth. 

Pain. Misery. Agony.

And he thought he had been taught the lesson of pain. He was wrong. 

His body plunged backward, his hands falling to his sides. He landed hard onto the ground, and his head fell involuntarily to his side. Blood gushed through his open wound, and breathing felt like breathing in poison. He heard the most ugly tone of voice ever heard, and yet it almost seemed like it was his savior. 

"My aim is as good as ever." 

Who knew the only one, who had ever taught him in real pain in life, was the one killing him now? Damn it he wanted to live! If only he could -- 

He could die. He could give up his life and misery forever and float among the clouds of heaven. He could pull away from this agonizing world and away from his nightmares. All he had to do was to quit living. Will himself to die and it would be all over. The last thing he saw was the demonic devil named Cell sneering at him, and his father. How ironic that those two beings were the ones that had caused him to want to die. With one last breath of pure torture, the youth that had been through so much in his life gave up all of his hope. 


End file.
